But You’d Make a Great Mom: My Childfree Story

All my favorite nieces and nephews (and husband) =)

Growing up, I always imagined myself with a “family” – a husband, 3 kids, and a dog. My best friend and I would even watch “A Baby Story” on TLC and cry as we witnessed a new human entering the world. It was heartwarming. Yes, I should be a mom.

As I went through college and my early 20s, I noticed my friends on the “hunt” for a husband. They not only envisioned getting married and starting a family, they longed for it. I enjoyed dating and had long-term relationships, but marriage was rarely on my mind. In fact, I questioned if I would get married. Not because I didn’t want to; something felt off. I found myself floundering on dates when asked “so, how many kids do you want?” Why was this question so difficult? My biological clock was supposedly ticking, but there was no alarm going off.

The ah-ha moment came at 26 when my first niece was born. My brother was able to bring her out just minutes after she arrived. Never in my life had I felt that much love for someone. It was what I can only imagine moms feel when they first lay eyes on their baby; yet, there was no urge to have my own.  

At first, I was in denial. It wasn’t “normal” to not want kids. “But you’d make such a great mom!” I would hear. Heck yes, I would! My mom was the best role-model ever. I knew I could rock motherhood. There is a huge difference though between could…should…and WANT.

I started to own my truth. It was freeing. I would scare people off on first dates with things like “if you’re looking for the mother of your children, I’m not her.” Hey, at least we weren’t wasting our time!

When I did get married (to my AMAZING husband), people would ask, “when are you going to start a family?” I find it so interesting how the dialogue around “family” changes as an adult:

Q: Do you have a family?

A: What do you mean?

Q: Do you have children?

A: Oh, got it. No, and I don’t plan to. Does that mean I don’t have a family?

I may not have what some people view as the “conventional family,” but let’s be clear, I do have a family (including the family I choose!). And this new coaching journey I’m embarking on may just be my version of motherhood.

My mom was an amazing cheerleader and supporter. She was a leader and coached me through life. I know I would be a good mom because I have those same qualities, which is why I know I’m a good coach. It feels so good to be in total alignment with my values, my natural strengths, and what I know is my purpose in life.

And I’m confident my mom is looking down on me beaming with pride.